2nd Trimester Here I Come!! :)

The past two weeks seem to have flown by!! The last time I wrote on here I was just hitting 11 weeks and now I am 14 weeks tomorrow!! I have some updates so I will share those with you now!


We had our doctor's appointment at 11 weeks and 6 days. They tried to find the heartbeat with the Doppler but after a minute or two they couldn't find it so we did an ultrasound to make sure that everything was okay. I was pretty excited we were going to get to see our little one again! The doctor showed Cody the screen first and I have to say I was a little overwhelmed with emotion watching Cody look at the screen. I am definitely falling more and more in love with him everyday, and watching him get excited about this little blessing in our life has made me love him even more! Our little bundle of joy is looking great though! Still growing slightly ahead of schedule, and heart still beating!


After our appointment we went to the zoo! It was nice just to get out, walk, and enjoy all the animals! The lion part of the new exhibit was open so we got to check them out, and we even bought our baby their first stuffed animal! It's a little stuffed wolf! We figured we would go with something a little more gender neutral since we don't know what our baby is yet!!


Speaking of not knowing what our baby is yet we found out at our last appointment that our doctor is going to do a gender check at 16 weeks for us! I can't wait! Our next appointment is June 6th so hopefully we will know that morning if we will have a son or a daughter! I would love to hear your guys' guesses!! We won't be announcing the gender until Father's day though so you all will have to wait a little longer! :)


If it helps I will tell you some of my symptoms! My skin hasn't been too terrible I have had a few breakouts but it hasn't been bad at all! I have craved a lot of pastries, Taco Bell, and fruit. I had a handful of nauseous days but for the most part have been feeling pretty good. Last but not least the Chinese and Mayan predictors have both predicted girl!


Cody and I are kind of hoping for a boy but of course we would me more than happy with a little princess too! All in all we are just excited to know so get your guesses in you have a 50/50 chance of being right! ;) I will try to do better with updating! It's been crazy the past few weeks with Mother's day and all of that! I wanted to write a mother's day post but it never happened. :( So just in case you were wondering Cody made me breakfast in bed and I got a few maternity clothes for mother's day!


Here is our ultrasound picture from our last appointment! :) Baby has gotten so big since the first ultrasound and I can't wait to see them in 2 and a half weeks! Thanks for all of your support throughout our journey! Thanks for your thoughts, prayers, and kind words! Look for my next update hopefully (no promises) next week! :)

  

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10 week update! :)

So if you haven't caught on yet I am actually 11 weeks today, but I this blog post is all about reflection on the past week! :) I feel like I have had more energy during the day lately... but I still crash out around 8:30-9pm. This whole weekend I don't think I stayed up past 9 once!


I have started getting heartburn which is not the best but I haven't been as nauseous so that's definitely a positive!! I am now starving more often than not which has been hard because I sit at the front desk all day and if I don't have snacks I am kind of stuck unless I can find  someone to cover me while I go raid the snack drawer! Even the ride home (takes about an hour) is rough! By the time I get home I feel like I have been fasting all day and trust me I have NOT!


One thing I am starting to notice more and more is my dry skin!! I am so itchy unless I put lotion on a couple times a day! Before I was pregnant I wasn't very good at keeping my skin moisturized because I didn't really notice if I did or didn't but now, if I don't put lotion on I know it!! :) That's about all that's new here! Next week's blog should be fun because we have a Dr. appointment and we will hopefully get to hear the heartbeat! As long as everything is alright next week we will also start taking weekly update photos! I will post those on here along with my weekly updates!


A lot of people keep asking me what I hope we are having (boy or girl) and I have to say I honestly don't know! One minute I think I want a little girl and the next I think about how fun a boy would be! I am excited for either gender and am looking forward to doing all of the cute girly outfits and bows, or the superhero themed nursery we have planned if it's a boy! I know some of my family has strong opinions of what they want my baby to be but I just want them to be happy and healthy as they join our little family! I do want to ask though if everyone else out there had a hard time picking boy names? We have had a heck of a time trying to find boy names we love but I think I finally found one I love (Cody is still thinking about it).


All in all I am so excited for this little one to get here and for all of the milestones we will hit before and after they arrive!! It's a crazy feeling to go through so many tears during our infertility struggles and going from feeling like it would never happen, to being pregnant and knowing that all that time you spent sad and doubting God, he was just waiting for the right time to send the miracle you have been waiting for! I feel like this is such a magical time in our lives and I am trying to soak it all in!!


Thank you for all of your support and to those of you who are still sticking with me even if my life isn't terribly exciting! See you all next week!

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9 week update... and other randomness!

So I am actually 10 weeks and 1 day today! I do want to let you all know how this past week has been though! It's been basically the same! :) I have had a little bit of nausea but it hasn't been too bad, and haven't had any new cravings or aversions. I did have a couple of rough nights sleep wise but I think it was just because I had a lot on my mind! Nothing bad or stressful mind you just mostly daydreaming! :)


There has been one little stressor lately though and that has been what we are going to do when this little one gets here! I have been thinking so much about my work situation and daycare and those types of things.  I would like to start out by saying I love my job. I love the environment and the people and what I do... but I don't love the commute! My hubby and I only have one car which works for us. I take the frontrunner and don't mind it at all... that is until I think about being a mom.


I am usually gone for about 12 hours a day which is not to big of a deal right now but I don't think I can handle being away from my little one for that many hours a day. I have been waiting to be a mom for so long (and I am realizing that waiting for my baby to get here is even harder than waiting to get pregnant,) so I just want to be with my baby as much as I can!!


Did anyone else struggle with this and what did you decide to do? I love advice!!  I am trying not to stress and just remember that everything will work out, and everything happens for a reason but sometimes it creeps up on me!


On the more positive side I have a Dr. appointment in 12 days!! I can't wait to go in again and I am hoping we will get to hear the little cutie's heartbeat!! I am going to try to record it so I can listen to it over and over again!  I have been considering purchasing an at home Doppler but haven't decided if it is a good idea or not! I don't want to do anything to hurt this little one and I don't want to cause stress if I am unable to find the heartbeat. So thoughts? Should I save my 50 bucks and use it for diapers?


Also shout out to Katie who made a comment on my last blog! I will definitely have to hit you up and talking pregnancy experiences! :) It's nice to have people you know who are going through this miracle too! I am so excited for you too, you and your hubby are so cute together and I know you will make great parents!


So there you go the random thoughts of a pregnant lady! :) I hope you all have a wonderful week and I already am having some new symptoms in week 10 so please come back next week! I promise I will try to be more interesting lol once we know the gender we can start working on the nursery and I will be asking you all for feedback so get ready for that! Also get ready because probably beginning of June I will start asking for gender predictions! We are going to make a big deal about the gender reveal and I would love all of you to tell me your guess and be a part of it! :) Thanks for all your love and support! See you next time!

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8 week update!!

So I am actually 9 weeks now but I wanted to tell you how week 8 went! Last week was the toughest in the pregnancy so far! I threw up twice and had lots of dry heaving moments (T-M-I) I know, and have been a lot more nauseous. I have also been getting some headaches! They haven't been bad though and I have really wanted to refrain from taking any drugs! Through all of this though I know I am still a very lucky pregnant girl!
I think that it has been a good thing that i have been experiencing nausea because a lot of my other symptoms haven't been as apparent lately. To me the nausea is a little sign saying don't worry I'm still in here! I have been on www.babycenter.com a lot which has been helpful and hurtful! On the plus side I have been calmed down a lot on that site by all the women who have been talking about what they are going through, but there is another side too! I don't think I will get on there very often because a lot of the women on there are very negative. I have read some comments that make me sit back and think why are these women being so mean!  I want to surround myself with positive people and thoughts, so I don't think that is the place for me! 
There isn't much more to say about week 8. I had a new craving this week! I was at work eating my lunch when this guy walked by with an orange, so now I have been eating oranges every day! I still have an aversion to chocolate which is crazy because I love chocolate!! Cody and I think this baby is crazy because it doesn't like chocolate! Both of her/his parents love it so we are hoping little Talbot changes their mind! I also still have an aversion to peanuts, which is a little sad but I can live without them!
Overall I am feeling pretty good! Sleeping a lot, but trying to be a little more active so I don't pack on the pounds! I just hope this weather starts staying nice so that I can get a walk in every day!! Oh speaking of pounds I have gained 2 pounds since I found out a was pregnant. I will try to do better at updating! I think I will try to do a weekly update every week so next week I will let you know how week 9 was! I need to start taking belly pictures too so I can post those as well! Lots of fun stuff coming up!
If you are a mom let me know when you found out the sex of your baby! I am hoping my Dr. will do it earlier than 20 weeks but I guess we will see! See ya next time and thanks for reading! Still can't get my ultrasound picture to post so I will continue to work on that!!

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First Dr. appointment update!

Sorry this is a little late! I had my first Dr. appointment for baby Talbot on April 1st and have meaning to blog about it ever since but I have been soooo tired!!  I apologize for making those of you who have been wondering how it went wait!!


So we went to the Dr. and he talked to us, asked us questions, told us what they were going to do that day, peed in a cup, got blood drawn, and then the exciting part, we got to see our baby! I was so glad he was doing an ultrasound on our first visit because I have been anxious to make sure the baby was in the right spot and growing how it should be!


So far everything looks great! We got to see the heartbeat, and found out that we were right on for our due date! The Dr.'s office did call the next day though and let me know that I had a U.T.I so now I am on some antibiotics for that! I am hoping I don't get those frequently during this pregnancy, I have heard that sometimes that happens but I guess that is better than some other calls I could have received!


We also got some fun free gifts from my Dr. like formula, coupons, and prenatal vitamins. I was so excited about that it made me feel like a mom!  The carries were really cute too and maybe I will post some photos of the things they gave me in the next blog!


We scheduled my next appointment for May 5th, and at that point I will be 11 weeks and 6 days!  I am so excited for that appointment, hopefully we will get to hear our little baby's heartbeat!!  It feels like it's forever away but I think it will go quickly! This month is a pretty busy but fun one so that will help!


So I also wanted to do a little update! Today I am 7 weeks and 3 days along, I am always exhausted, and I have had a little nausea.  The only cravings I have really had are French fries, and I have had a few aversions! I have had aversions to peanuts, milk, and hamburgers.  I have been sleeping pretty good at night, I usually get up once to use the restroom. I can't wait to start showing, and I am looking forward to the 2nd trimester when I am not so tired... I am halfway there! All in all I just love this little baby growing inside of me and keep praying everything keeps going this well! Thanks for reading my little update I think I will try to do them every week! I tried to attach my ultrasound picture but it would let me so I will try next time! Until then...

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Symptoms

I have had quite a few people asking me if I am having any symptoms yet so I thought that I would write a short little blog post and give you the details!! So if you don't want to know stop reading now haha. :)

So far I have not had any "morning sickness" but I hear that starts around week 6 for most women so we will see if I start enjoying that perk! I have had a few brief moments where I have felt a little nauseous but so far it has only been when I am in the car, and I have experienced car sickness in the past.  I am really hoping I don't have to deal with being nauseous though because I ride the frontrunner every morning and throwing up on there would not be fun!! :(

Another symptom I have been having is fatigue! I am tired all the time and by about 2:00pm everyday I just want to take a nap! Cody has been amazing though and has been keeping the house clean so when I get home I just get to relax! I am seriously so lucky to have such a great husband who has been working so hard to make sure that I don't have to.

I have had a bit of cramping but no worries no bleeding! At first that made me a little nervous but I have had a few friends who have said they experienced it too so that has helped me relax.  I am not proud to say I also googled it! That made me feel a little better too because the general consensus online is that it's just stretching and as long as there is no bleeding I am okay! :)

The other day Cody woke up in the middle of the night to me snacking, but that has only happened once. I have definitely had an increase in appetite so I keep lots of snacks around! I try to keep it healthy but every once in a while go for something not as good for me! I have noticed I have an aversion to meat for the moment. Cody and I spent 5 minutes in the pasta isle the other day because I couldn't decide on a sauce and the one with meatballs sounded disgusting! I usually love meat so I am hoping that will go away quickly!

The last two symptoms are pretty normal! I have been running to the bathroom a lot more often and have been a little more emotional!! I have had a couple of anger outbursts (don't worry not at anyone really), and I had a weird emotional moment when I started crying at the Let It Go song being sung by this guy who can do a whole bunch of different Disney character voices. Don't ask me why... I'm pregnant! Haha

On a more serious note I never thought I would be able to say those words. I have been waiting for 3 years to be tired, throw up, and have emotional meltdowns! I am not saying that it is all fun, but this is what I have been dreaming of. I feel so blessed for the opportunity to be a mother, and feel so lucky that my Father in Heaven has given me this chance! If any of you have advice, questions, or whatever, please feel free to comment, message me whatever you feel comfortable with! I am open to it all! Thanks for taking this journey with Cody and I! I feel blessed to have so many people interested in our story! I will update again soon, and we have our first Dr. appointment on April 1st, so I will definitely let you all know how it goes! :)

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Surgery?

Happy Saturday!!

As most of you know I was supposed to go into surgery yesterday at 1:30. They called me Thursday afternoon and told me I actually didn't need to come in until 2:15 so I was pretty bummed! I was not excited to fast that long but I was still excited to just get it over with!! On Friday morning I was just being a little lazy and taking my time getting ready since I had all day, but then the surgery center called... They said that the surgeries were going really quick and that Dr. Meek was very ahead of schedule. Then they asked if I could come in asap I told them I would be there in about half an hour and ran to take a quick shower before we headed out!

Half an hour later we arrived at Davis Surgical Center and got all checked in! We didn't have to wait long before a cute M.A took us back! She took my BP and my weight, asked a few questions, and told us they were going to do another pregnancy test just to make sure I wasn't pregnant.

After I gave them a sample I went to change into my gown and hat and all of that and climbed onto the bed.  Cody and I were talking for a few minutes when Dr. Meek asked if he could come in! When he came in he asked how long it had been since I had my last period. I told him I was on day like 32 of my cycle and my period hadn't started. Dr. Meek gave us a smile and told us we were pregnant and that we wouldn't be getting surgery today.

I immediately started bawling! I couldn't believe it!!!! This is the day we had waited for! 2 1/2 years we had spent trying to make this dream come true and it was finally happening!! I was getting dressed when the M.A asked if I was decent! She came in and told me she had the two positive pregnancy test and would take a picture of us if we wanted her to, so we got a few pictures and left the surgical center on cloud nine!! :)

Today I am still just so happy! Every little symptom of pregnancy I have had has almost brought me to tears I can't believe that it is finally our turn to be parents!  I feel so incredibly blessed and have been thanking my father above constantly this past 24 hours! We aren't very far along, probably only about 4 weeks if we count from my last period so we are still cautiously optimistic, but very excited and thinking positive thoughts!!


We decided that since everyone knew that we were going in for surgery we would announce our good news pretty quick! We didn't want to lie, and since you have all been so supportive and amazing I wanted to share our story with you all! Thanks for reading this blog and I will be continuing my blog with pregnancy updates and all other things involving pregnancy!

To all you amazing women out there still fighting for motherhood I am praying for you! I hope you all know that your Heavenly Father loves you and is aware of your heartache. Turn to him and he will help lift you up! Even if motherhood is not your fight he is there for you! I know so many amazing women out there who are waiting for marriage, motherhood, friendship, and so many other things. Hold on!! Your time will come and if you stay close to the Lord he will guide you to your happiness. He will make you stronger, and he will carry you when you are too tired to walk! I have been there and know that he is the reason I am where I am today! I love you all!

Love,

Bree and baby!

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Short little update!

So just a little update on what's going on lately! I am going in for surgery Tomorrow, and Monday I had my pre-op appointment! It wasn't too exciting they just took my blood and I had to take a pregnancy test to make sure I wasn't pregnant. BIG SURPRISE... I'm not! Ha ha. So then they just went over what is going to happen!

The good news is that we should know what is going on right after my surgery! My doctor said that we would let Cody know what they found while I was in recovery so I am giving Cody my questions so I can hopefully do a blog post Saturday while I am lying around all day! I will be going in for surgery around 12:30pm which I was a little bummed to hear! I was hoping I would be able to get the surgery done in the morning but it's okay I will take whatever they can give me!

I asked my doctor on Monday how long he suggested we wait before we started trying again. The answer wasn't exactly what I expected but it's okay I guess! He wants me to wait one cycle before we start trying again. I am bummed because I was hoping that we might be able to get pregnant by mother's day and my chances would have been better if I didn't have to wait. I just keep reminding myself that he knows best and that I need to take care of myself, but it still bums me out! There is still a chance he will change his mind depending on what he finds tomorrow so hopefully I don't have to wait longer than a month to get back to trying!

Other than that we don't know much more! I never thought I would hope for endometriosis but I am! I just want to know that this is what it is, get it taken care of, and get pregnant! I am tired of wondering what is wrong with me! So as silly as it sounds I am hoping they find MILD endometriosis on Friday! I mean come on I am not crazy I am not wishing for a major hardship, but I would like an explanation! :) Thank you to all those amazing people out there who have been keeping us in your prayers! I even had a friend put me on the prayer roll in the Temple so thank you so much for that!! I am so grateful for all the support and I don't think I would be able to be this strong without it! Until next time!

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The Adventures of Breet!

I was just looking at my other blog that I haven't posted on forever! The adventures of Breet and noticed I had some stuff on there about our infertility journey! I just thought I would mention it on here just in case anyone was interested in popping over to that blog to read about how I was feeling in the moment! Here's the link http://breetslifestory.blogspot.com/.

I am thinking about trying to post a little more over there but use it for more day to day stuff that I think you guys might find interesting and then dedicate this blog to baby stuff! It would be great if you want to comment below and let me know what you think! :) Thanks for reading this short little blog post! :)

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Apologies and realizations

I wish I could say sorry to all those women out there who I wasn't ecstatic for when I found out they were pregnant! I think being happy for others when you aren't able to experience the same joy of getting that positive pregnancy test is one of the hardest things for women who struggle with infertility. I know it is for me. I have talked to quite a few women about it and most agree there is a certain sadness you get when you find out someone you are around often is pregnant.

Don't get me wrong it's not that I don't want to be happy for them, and eventually I am completely happy for them, but in the beginning it's hard for me to feel that happiness for them. When I would hear about a friend getting pregnant I used to cry and go through the same questions each time. Why not me? What am I doing wrong? Am I unworthy to be a mother? Is there something I need to do before God sees that I am ready? These questions would race through my brain and I wasn't always the kindest when answering them to myself!

I have always struggled with feeling like I am a good person. It's not that I do bad things, because I don't, but I just never saw myself as worthy or good. If I had to tell you why I felt that way I don't think I could. I have theories of course but I have never been able to settle on why I have felt this way. All I know is that I have always looked at others and thought they were prettier, more spiritual, more deserving, or just plain better than me. When we started trying to conceive and it wasn't happening it only made those feelings worse. I felt like less of a woman because I couldn't do this one thing that women were made to do!  Cody used to try to make me feel better by saying it could be him but I think deep down I knew it wasn't because of him.

I think I mentioned this before but I started kind of turning away from God. I didn't pray like I should have because I felt like I had tried that and answers didn't come. I still went to church but I wasn't happy with things and I felt like I had tried so long to be so good and it didn't matter I still wasn't worthy to be a mother. I was upset pretty much all the time and was very negative. It took Cody saying he was worried about me to kind of snap me out of it and realize that I was headed down a dark path!  I started praying again and reading my scriptures and just focusing on relying on the Lord. It's amazing the difference I felt almost immediately.  It is still so hard not knowing what is wrong with me and not knowing if it will be fixed, but it's not as hard. I still pray every night for answers that have yet to come, but I keep praying. It's amazing to me how much love, peace, and support I have felt from my Heavenly Father these past few months. I truly feel like he is aware of my and my struggles, and he is just waiting to bless us.  I just wish I had figured this out earlier!

I wish I had worked harder at relying on the Lord when I first started this journey. It could have saved me a lot of heartache. I feel like if I had made my focus my Heavenly Father from the beginning instead of getting my baby here a.s.a.p. I would have been able to enjoy and celebrate all those amazing women's pregnancies right from the get go. I just wish I could hug them all and tell them how sorry I am and how truly happy I am for them. So all you ladies out there I send the biggest hug to you! (Please wrap your arms around yourself and pretend it's me)!

It took me longer than it should have to learn all of this! I am so glad that I have finally learned that just because someone else gets pregnant it doesn't mean they took something from me. Their baby was never going to be my baby, it's not like they stole them from me. Just because they were pregnant didn't mean anyone would be less excited when I was pregnant. I still have to tell myself this every once in a while but not too often, ;) I remind myself everyday that it's okay if my baby doesn't come right when I want them to, having to wait for them will just make me love them even more when they finally come.

I just wanted to add one more thing and I hope this will comfort some of you out there who have lost babies, will never have babies, or haven't been blessed with them quite yet. You are a mother!  It doesn't matter if your babies are here on this earth or with their Heavenly Father, you are a mother. Even if you never give birth to children you can still be a mother! There are so many children out there looking for good mothers and good women out there to watch over them. I feel so strongly about this! Please remember, you are a mother!

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Random bits of randomness!

I am so sorry I haven't posted for a week or so! I have been racking my brain trying to decide what I wanted to blog about while I am waiting for my crazy week next week and I have been having a tough time! All I can think about is this Laparoscopy and I think it is causing a minor case of writer's block!

One thing I wanted to do was recommend some video blogs on youtube that you might want to check out! The first one is one I have been watching for a while, and has helped me a lot while going through this journey. The web address is http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYv8VkKxvmfYIRbowQALwCw, and it follows the story of Jared and Ellie! Ellie has P.C.O.S which I had never really heard of until I watched her youtube channel, but this vlog was the one that made me really want to go to my doctor! While watching these two I realized that my problem could be easily fixed if I just went to my doctor and that I wouldn't know unless I was brave enough to try! I don't think they know who I am but if you check them out please tell them I sent you! One thing I loved about watching these guys is that they are local!! They live in Provo and I believe Ellie is from the Roy area so it was fun to watch them knowing they were right in my backyard! :) They have a cute baby boy now which I also loved! They had a happy little ending and it helps me believe I will too!

The other video blog I want to recommend is by Cullen and Katie! The link is http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPYnVLuSSqX4KJ9vfup2FcQ. These guys are awesome and I love their accents! They are located in Alabama and have gone through 2 miscarriages! They are so sweet and positive and they have shown me that there are some amazingly strong resilient people out there! They are also pretty funny! They do daily vlogs and I have loved that they are real! They vlog on good days and bad no matter what, and I have loved that about them! They make you feel like they are your friends which is crazy that you can feel that way about strangers but it's also pretty cool!

These guys have kind of become my role models! I know they have touched thousands of lives and I am hoping in my journey I will be able to do that too! I don't claim to be an amazing writer, in fact I know I am definitely not an amazing writer, but I hope that I can touch other people's lives.

I never thought that I would struggle to get pregnant, I never worried about IF I would be a mom I always thought it would happen easily, but I am grateful for this trial.  I have truly become a stronger person through this experience and while there are still days I just want to stay in bed and cry, I know that I am still becoming stronger everyday.  I am so glad that I can share my story. I thought I was an open book before but I am finding now that I wasn't ha ha. Now I truly am an open book and while it is a little scary sharing such personal things with the world, I am so grateful for the experience. I have had so much support from you all and have been blown away with how safe and loved you all have made me feel.

Now comes to my plea! If you have anything you would like me to write about let me know! A lot of this past week has been me trying to guess what you all might want to hear and I don't want you to get bored with me so if you have a burning question just ask it! You can even do it anonymously through a blog comment on here so no one has to know it was you! :) I will be watching for questions!! Seriously..... just ask, just comment! :) If you check out those blogs let me know what you think and if you subscribe to them let them know I sent you! I will try to get another blog post in this weekend or next week before the laparoscopy! TTFN ~ Ta Ta For Now

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Progress

This probably won't be the most eloquent written blog you have ever read. I am still processing this past week but I felt like I needed to write it all down so that I can hopefully get it all straight in my head so please be gentle with me. :)

I started out the week anxious. I knew it was going to be a big week and I was excited and nervous at the same time! I left work early on Monday and headed to my doctor's appointment (singing at the top of my lungs the whole way there). Once I got into the doctor's office I got a surprise! I found out not only was I doing blood work that day I was also getting an ultrasound!  I was a little shocked and completely unprepared mentally. So while they left me to get ready I tried to prepare myself to see my first look at my insides... I don't think I did a very good job! The doctor came in and started the ultrasound, it didn't take him long to find that I had 10-12 cysts on each ovary. After we were done with the ultrasound I got my blood drawn and waited for my doctor to come back so I could ask him a few questions.

When my doctor came back I asked him what finding the cysts meant. I had heard about P.C.O.S (poly cystic ovarian syndrome) so I asked him if he thought that was what it was but he told me he actually thought that I had endometriosis.  I don't know much about that but I do know it scares me more than P.C.O.S so on my way home I started to freak out just a little. I started thinking about everything that I did know about endometriosis. I have heard that birth control slows endometriosis which I have not been on since a month after Cody and I were married and that's about all I know. So I was a little worried about that.

When I got home Cody held me for a minute since I had already called and let him know what the doctor had said and then I decided instead of lying around worrying I would go to zumba! Good choice since I go with my mother in law and she has been through all the endometriosis. After an hour of zumba and a good talk with my Mother in law I was feeling a little better and I was ready for Tuesday and the HSG procedure.

Tuesday morning we woke up and ran to the store before we headed up to the hospital. The HSG thing is a little painful but it wasn't bad as I was prepared for so I was grateful for that.  The P.A that did the procedure for me was awesome and said that the X-rays looked great. All I had to do now was go home and wait to hear what the doctor had to say and hope the cramping went away! :p

We didn't hear from the doctor on Tuesday but I wasn't really expecting to but today I was anxious for my phone to ring... it did. I got to talk to my doctor and he said that the blood work and HSG looked good and that he wanted to do the Laparoscopy on March 14th. Sooo... Now we are waiting again! I have a pre-op exam on March 10th and then on March 14th I will get the laparoscopy and hopefully confirm and get rid of the endometriosis so we can get pregnant.

I am a little nervous about getting all of this done but I think more than being nervous I am excited. I just want to get this done tomorrow ha ha I want to know what is going on and just get a baby in my belly! I am excited to ovulate this cycle too because there is still a chance that I don't have endometriosis and I just had a blockage and we could get pregnant right??? A girl can hope right? I just feel so lucky that I have so many people supporting me! Thanks for asking me about what is going on (that has helped me want to blog) :) I feel like I have been making some good friends through this process. Thanks for your friendship and as always please like the blog post comments/questions on the blog and facebook and feel free to follow my blog too! I have been toying with the idea of trying a video blog but I don't know if it would be that great... So seriously any suggestions you more experienced bloggers or vloggers out there have is welcome!

Until next time...

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X ray explanation

Thanks to Janna for the comment, this is me trying to answer your question!!  Sorry I kind of just mention this X ray a ton and don't ever explain it! That was partly because I didn't know too much about it but thanks to WebMD I pretty much understand it! Obviously I will have more information when I actually get the procedure done but I do think I know enough now that I can explain the basics! Hopefully this all makes sense! :)

Okay so the procedure is called a hysterosalpingogram or HSG. It is an X ray that looks into your fallopian tubes, uterus, and the surrounding area.  They do this my inserting a catheter or other thin tube into you and insert dye. The dye then travels into your uterus and up into the fallopian tubes and they take x rays while it makes it way through you. They do it to check for blockages, abnormality in the uterus, or foreign objects (what?! That freaks me out a little).

The whole procedure takes about 15-20 minutes and can have fairly little pain associated with it or it can be very painful depending on the person (hoping for little to no pain).  Then you are all done and you wait for the results.  Like I said before for some women the dye that was inserted actually cleared the blockage and they get pregnant pretty quick after so of course that's the ideal! I am hoping I will be one of those lucky women but I guess we will have to wait and see.  Hopefully this answered your question and if any of you lucky women out there have to get this done now you know a little more about it! :)

I seriously live for the comments so don't be afraid to ask! I am an open book! :) Thanks for the comments and thanks for the support!

Until next time!

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Didn't have to wait long!

Okay so I know I just posted like yesterday but today I am officially on day 1 of my cycle and I am going in to get my blood drawn again on Monday the 17th and then I get my HSG/X ray done Tuesday February 18th! So I think next week will be an emotional crazy week! Needless to say my hubby is super excited to take care of me and all my emotions haha.

I am pretty excited and nervous! I feel like this is going to be a big turning point in our lives! Cody and I have talked about having kids but now we are actually taking charge! Thanks to all of you who have shown your support, I definitely need it!

On a more spiritual side I have to say I have been amazed by how much my savior has given me lately! I feel overwhelmed by the love, peace, and comfort I have felt, sometimes at the hands of my lovely husband, and other times from all of you! Several times this last week especially I have felt overwhelmed with the spirit and have felt God's love for me and for all women! I don't mean to get into religion on here but I just had to share how I have been feeling because it has been such a blessing! I was reading in Luke today about Christ and some of the miracles he performed for women and almost started crying on the frontrunner because it just hit me so hard. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love the women of this world. They are aware of you and your struggles, and if you draw near to them you will feel their love constantly!

I will leave you with that until next week! Thanks for reading!

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Waiting...

So some of you careful readers out there might have noticed that I said I had my blood drawn in the last post and might be wondering if I received the results... I did. Unfortunately I don't know if I should feel happy or a little bummed. My hormone levels were normal so automatically you think YAY!!! Hallelujah I am normal but my mind also goes to dang we still don't know what's wrong and now I am back to waiting! Way to be pessimistic I know! :)

I actually am glad that my hormone levels are normal and every step no matter how small is a step towards finding out what is wrong so I am so grateful that we were able to get my blood drawn that day instead of having to come back!  I also feel tremendously blessed to have such a great doctor who knows what he is doing since I have no clue what I am doing, and I can't wait to see what he is able to do for me! Fun fact my OB/GYN is the same doctor that helped my mom deliver me about 24 years ago! Kind of weird but also kind of neat we are really hoping he will be able to deliver our baby someday too!

I am kind of getting excited for this X ray that I am going to do soon! A lot of you out there have been so sweet to share with me stories about this X ray and what it is all about.  I have heard a few stories about women who were able to get pregnant very soon after they had this done so that gives me so much hope!! Apparently when they got it done it knocked the blockage free! I have also heard I have some pain and cramping ahead of me, but I am trying not to focus on that part! :)

I don't have any new news on the baby front just waiting for day 1 of the cycle which I have never been excited for until now, but I do want to say thanks to all of you readers out there! I have been so grateful for all the comments on Facebook and the few that I have received on the blog, and I hope as I continue this blog that you guys will feel even more comfortable asking questions and giving advice.  I have to say it has been a little weird opening up on the internet for the whole world to see but so far it has been amazing how much love and support I feel from people I didn't think would care about little old me so thanks again.  Hopefully I will be posting again with news soon but until then if you have anything you would like to know about me please comment below and I will make sure I answer your questions! You can even be anonymous if you prefer! :)

Until next time! Thanks for reading!

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Nerves

You know that feeling when you are so excited for something coming? It's exactly what you've been dreaming of and waiting for, and then it's almost here and everytime you think about it your heart jumps into your throat? That's how I have been feeling the past few days. Ever since we found out Cody was A-okay I feel so nervous for my appointment. Like I said I have been waiting for this moment for so long! I have been waiting to go to the doctor for months. I have been praying for answers for months but now, when answers are just around the corner, I am just plain nervous.

I can't help thinking about what they will do, how quickly they will be able to find the problem, how long will it take to fix it, will they find it, can they fix it... ect. ect.  I have been so excited for this moment for so long what if I am let down again?  I have spent years being let down month after month what if this is just another let down?  The final let down? What if this is the time in my life where they tell me sorry charlie you will never be pregnant?  It's terrifying, and I find myself doubting whether I really want the information at all.

So here I am thinking about all of this the morning of my appointment and on the brink of an anxiety attack! Luckily I have my rock Cody with me. He was able to calm me down and we were off to my appointment.  We got into the doctor's office pretty quick! So we are sitting there waiting for the doctor and I am seriously on a roller coaster! My feelings are all over the place and I am going from excited to terrified every 3 seconds or so and then the doctor walks in! We chat about questions and all of that and I lay out the details and answer his questions and he tells me the plan... Do you want to know what it is??

Here it is! He said I actually came in at the perfect time! They were able to draw my blood today to check hormone levels and now I am just waiting for my period to start. The day that happens I have to go in for an X ray... I hear that isn't what I think it's going to be and there might be some pain. Next I will wait a few days and then go back in for more blood work... at some point there will also be an ultrasound and we should know what is going on in about two weeks. If we do all this and it and can't find out what is going on we will be headed back to do a laparoscopy.  That's the plan so far and I am pretty excited and just ready to get started! I am not sure how my journey compares to other peoples so if you have been through any of this and have insight I am very interested in hearing what you have to say!!! 

I am so thankful for the job that I have too! My supervisor is so supportive of me and she said she will work with my crazy schedule while I am figuring this all out! I can't believe how truly blessed I am, and I can definitely tell that the Lord's hand is in my life. He has been there for me through all of the hard times and now I truly believe he is blessing me with answers. Everything feels like it is starting to fall into place and I am hoping we will have a big announcement soon!  Despite all the fears I have deep down I feel like I will have the incredibly amazing and tough experience of being pregnant and whenever I am feeling hopeless I draw on that feeling! It has definitely helped having so many amazing family members and friends supporting me on my journey! You have all encouraged me and lifted me up when I was down! Thanks for reading and I will be posting next week although I am not sure if I will have any news for a little while so if anyone has any ideas on what they would like me to post about next week feel free to comment below! :)

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The Results are in!

This last week was a pretty interesting week!  Last Friday we had a doctor's appointment with the urologist and we had a sperm analysis done. After we went to the appointment we focused on the fun weekend we had ahead of us. We went to the movies and saw ride along on Friday. Hung out with my cousin and her husband on Saturday and watched Percy Jackson Sea of Monsters. Then on Sunday we hung out with some neighbors ate some yummy food and watched another movie. So luckily the weekend flew by without much time to think about the test results.

Monday was a different story! Cody and I were really anxious to know what was going on! I went to work but it was Cody's day off so he had a long day with not much to distract him from waiting! I actually got sick at work :( so I came home about an hour early and we were just relaxing when Cody's phone rang!!! There was the doctor's name on his screen and we were excited but a little nervous! Cody and I waited anxiously while the doctor explained the results and she finally told us what we were waiting to hear... Everything was fine! Cody didn't have any problems and his numbers were normal!!! I think we were both relieved! I don't think any guy wants to hear that they are the reason their wife isn't pregnant so it was a huge load off his back! 

The question now is why aren't we pregnant? As far as we can tell nothing obvious is wrong with me but if it's not him it could be me! Hopefully it won't take too long to figure that out! I have a doctor's appointment on February 4th. So hopefully I will have a better idea after that. 

It's funny I feel like things can't go fast enough. I know that it will take a while for the answers to come and I thought that just the fact that we were doing something to figure this out would make me feel better. It does to a certain extent but at the same time I feel myself more impatient than I was before! I just want to fast forward to the point when we are pregnant but I know that we are going through this for a reason. I just hope that other people can relate and find comfort in my words. Fighting to become parents is one of the most frustrating thing that I have had to do in my life. I feel like it is a never ending rollercoaster of highs and lows but I know that in the end it will be worth it. 

I know that we were meant to be parents. One way another it will happen. I also know that this fight is only making us stronger. I know that I am a lot stronger than when we started trying to have kids and though I have spent hours crying and just trying to understand why I had to go through this I know there is a reason. Thanks to all of you out there who are reading this! Your support means the world to me! Feel free to comment below with questions or advice, and feel free to share my words! One of the reasons that I started writing this was because my cousin shared some one else's youtube documentation of their struggle! Thanks for doing that for me cousin you are the best! Until next week... :)

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Let the Dr. Appointments begin!

Sorry I didn't post Saturday! My mom had surgery so I hung out with her and ran some errands that day! Thanks to all those who asked me about the Dr. this week, you are the reason I am writing on a Tuesday morning.

The doctor's appointment went well, Cody and I are healthy but we found out our regular doctor doesn't do sperm analysis... so we are headed to the urologist this next Friday.

We are hoping that we will get the test done this Friday so cross your fingers for us! :) I will post more soon! Hopefully this will tide you over! Thanks to those who have been following my story so far! You guys are making this so much easier than I expected! I'm so grateful for all of your support! See ya next time!

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Soon?

After that night in december I had received my answer I had a renewed excitement for trying to have kids. I really felt like anyday we would be pregnant so I didn't worry too much about ovulation test kits and things like that. I used the app I had on my phone to track my period but that was about it.

2012 flew by and there were lots of nights where I was upset but never devastated. I held out hope that soon I would have my little bundle of joy. When the end of 2012 came around we started looking for a house and in February 2013 we officially became homeowners. I was really excited. Everything was coming together! We had a house and I felt like the pieces were coming together and that God was just waiting for us to get this house. Surely we were ready and he would bless us with children any day now.

As the months went on I was getting more and more frustrated! We had started using ovulation test kits and "did it" when we got the positive until it was no longer positive but it wasn't working. I started seeing people around me get pregnant. People who had been married less time than me, people in less stable situations, and people who already had little blessings in their house. I started to doubt the answer I had received.  It was so long ago! Maybe I had just told myself what I wanted to hear because soon hadn't come!

As I struggled I found myself becoming upset with God. Why wouldn't he bless me with children? Hadn't I been good enough? Tried hard enough? I had always been a good person ya I made mistakes but I had always been faithful and tried to do what I was supposed to. Cody expressed to me that he was worried. That he didn't want to try for kids if I was going to turn away from God. He told me it had nothing to do with my worthiness and that maybe our kids weren't ready to come yet. Or maybe we needed better insurance or better jobs. I think when he told me he was worried about me I realized what I was doing and I tried to change my attitude. I worked on reading my scriptures every night, praying to my Father in Heaven, and remembering what I had to be grateful for. I was doing a little better but was itching for a change.

In September I interviewed for an Administrative Assistant position at a financial company and in October 2013 I started this new job!  There were so many good things about this job like the insurance, the pay, the professional environment, and the fact that it was a day job. I had been working nights for the past 1.5 years or so and finally I would get to sleep again! This job also meant that I could buy a basal thermometer and start taking my temps every morning so it was such a big blessing. The only bad thing about the job was that I had to put off children for a few months until I knew I would have fmla when I had a baby.

During this time my cousin got pregnant (sorry if you are reading this). It rocked me! I had always thought that I would have the first baby in our family since I was the oldest grandchild and I had been married first and I didn't know how to feel.  Of course I was happy for her because she had struggled for this baby, but at the same time I was so sad. for about a week I had a serious pity party. I pictured myself watching her belly grow and going to her baby shower and I felt such despair.

To be clear it wasn't because I wished she wasn't pregnant, and it wasn't that I was upset that she had gotten pregnant before me, it was that she had gotten there while I still had no idea why I hadn't.  I felt like everyone could fix their fertility problems except me. I had to wait until 2014 to even start investigating what could be wrong. We had an idea of what might be wrong but if that was the problem we probably wouldn't be able to fix it until mid 2014 and after that the problem might not be fixed for 6 months. I just felt so tired of waiting. Watching everyone else get their happy ending while I sat back wondering if I would ever get mine.

That brings up to today! We are trying again and my hope is again renewed. I feel ready to figure out what is wrong and I am hoping the answer will come quickly! I know it is kinda a rushed version of my story and if any of you out there have any questions or things you felt I skipped over and want to hear about let me know! I want to get information out there that will help others going through this feel not so alone. Maybe you want to know how Cody felt about all this? Let me know! Thanks for reading!

One last thing for those of you who want to follow our story. We are very excited to let you know that we have our first doctor's appointment on Thursday and I will be posting again Saturday to let you know if there is any new news. This doctor's appointment we will just be checking out Cody since the test for men is a little easier. Thanks again for reading and supporting me. After my first post I was so excited to see how many people had viewed my blog! Still it was pretty quiet let me know what you think please! :)

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In the beginning

It was about three years ago and I can still remember exactly how I felt. Cody had said yes! We were going to start trying to have a baby and I was beyond excited! I had dreamt of being a mom and now it was going to happen!  I was convinced it would be easy! It might take a few months but I was sure we would get pregnant soon and have our own little family in about a year.

Each month it was the same thing. Getting my hopes up just for them to get dashed again. We tried to make it fun and pressure free. Tried to go with the flow telling ourselves it was okay if it didn't happen yet because we had always planned on waiting three years to have kids anyway.  It worked for the most part but I still had that little piece of me that was sad and worried that it wouldn't happen.  I worried about there being something wrong with me. Never considering there could be something wrong with Cody. Part of me felt like a failure of a woman because it wasn't happening. My friends and family all told me not to worry, that it would happen when it was meant to happen, that stress was probably preventing it, and I just needed to relax. I knew they might be right but I felt forgotten.

 After eight months I was frustrated. I thought it would happen quick, but 8 months was a lot longer than I ever expected to have to wait for my baby bump. I was starting to think there could be something wrong. I hoped and prayed that there was no problem and that it was just not time yet. I tried not to worry until there was a reason to. I spent many many nights praying to my Father in Heaven asking for answers on when, if ever, I would become a mother and then one night in December 2011 I felt the peace I had been seeking. I had been pleading to my Heavenly Father again for an answer and the word "Soon," popped into my head.

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