Nerves

You know that feeling when you are so excited for something coming? It's exactly what you've been dreaming of and waiting for, and then it's almost here and everytime you think about it your heart jumps into your throat? That's how I have been feeling the past few days. Ever since we found out Cody was A-okay I feel so nervous for my appointment. Like I said I have been waiting for this moment for so long! I have been waiting to go to the doctor for months. I have been praying for answers for months but now, when answers are just around the corner, I am just plain nervous.

I can't help thinking about what they will do, how quickly they will be able to find the problem, how long will it take to fix it, will they find it, can they fix it... ect. ect.  I have been so excited for this moment for so long what if I am let down again?  I have spent years being let down month after month what if this is just another let down?  The final let down? What if this is the time in my life where they tell me sorry charlie you will never be pregnant?  It's terrifying, and I find myself doubting whether I really want the information at all.

So here I am thinking about all of this the morning of my appointment and on the brink of an anxiety attack! Luckily I have my rock Cody with me. He was able to calm me down and we were off to my appointment.  We got into the doctor's office pretty quick! So we are sitting there waiting for the doctor and I am seriously on a roller coaster! My feelings are all over the place and I am going from excited to terrified every 3 seconds or so and then the doctor walks in! We chat about questions and all of that and I lay out the details and answer his questions and he tells me the plan... Do you want to know what it is??

Here it is! He said I actually came in at the perfect time! They were able to draw my blood today to check hormone levels and now I am just waiting for my period to start. The day that happens I have to go in for an X ray... I hear that isn't what I think it's going to be and there might be some pain. Next I will wait a few days and then go back in for more blood work... at some point there will also be an ultrasound and we should know what is going on in about two weeks. If we do all this and it and can't find out what is going on we will be headed back to do a laparoscopy.  That's the plan so far and I am pretty excited and just ready to get started! I am not sure how my journey compares to other peoples so if you have been through any of this and have insight I am very interested in hearing what you have to say!!! 

I am so thankful for the job that I have too! My supervisor is so supportive of me and she said she will work with my crazy schedule while I am figuring this all out! I can't believe how truly blessed I am, and I can definitely tell that the Lord's hand is in my life. He has been there for me through all of the hard times and now I truly believe he is blessing me with answers. Everything feels like it is starting to fall into place and I am hoping we will have a big announcement soon!  Despite all the fears I have deep down I feel like I will have the incredibly amazing and tough experience of being pregnant and whenever I am feeling hopeless I draw on that feeling! It has definitely helped having so many amazing family members and friends supporting me on my journey! You have all encouraged me and lifted me up when I was down! Thanks for reading and I will be posting next week although I am not sure if I will have any news for a little while so if anyone has any ideas on what they would like me to post about next week feel free to comment below! :)