The Results are in!

This last week was a pretty interesting week!  Last Friday we had a doctor's appointment with the urologist and we had a sperm analysis done. After we went to the appointment we focused on the fun weekend we had ahead of us. We went to the movies and saw ride along on Friday. Hung out with my cousin and her husband on Saturday and watched Percy Jackson Sea of Monsters. Then on Sunday we hung out with some neighbors ate some yummy food and watched another movie. So luckily the weekend flew by without much time to think about the test results.

Monday was a different story! Cody and I were really anxious to know what was going on! I went to work but it was Cody's day off so he had a long day with not much to distract him from waiting! I actually got sick at work :( so I came home about an hour early and we were just relaxing when Cody's phone rang!!! There was the doctor's name on his screen and we were excited but a little nervous! Cody and I waited anxiously while the doctor explained the results and she finally told us what we were waiting to hear... Everything was fine! Cody didn't have any problems and his numbers were normal!!! I think we were both relieved! I don't think any guy wants to hear that they are the reason their wife isn't pregnant so it was a huge load off his back! 

The question now is why aren't we pregnant? As far as we can tell nothing obvious is wrong with me but if it's not him it could be me! Hopefully it won't take too long to figure that out! I have a doctor's appointment on February 4th. So hopefully I will have a better idea after that. 

It's funny I feel like things can't go fast enough. I know that it will take a while for the answers to come and I thought that just the fact that we were doing something to figure this out would make me feel better. It does to a certain extent but at the same time I feel myself more impatient than I was before! I just want to fast forward to the point when we are pregnant but I know that we are going through this for a reason. I just hope that other people can relate and find comfort in my words. Fighting to become parents is one of the most frustrating thing that I have had to do in my life. I feel like it is a never ending rollercoaster of highs and lows but I know that in the end it will be worth it. 

I know that we were meant to be parents. One way another it will happen. I also know that this fight is only making us stronger. I know that I am a lot stronger than when we started trying to have kids and though I have spent hours crying and just trying to understand why I had to go through this I know there is a reason. Thanks to all of you out there who are reading this! Your support means the world to me! Feel free to comment below with questions or advice, and feel free to share my words! One of the reasons that I started writing this was because my cousin shared some one else's youtube documentation of their struggle! Thanks for doing that for me cousin you are the best! Until next week... :)

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Let the Dr. Appointments begin!

Sorry I didn't post Saturday! My mom had surgery so I hung out with her and ran some errands that day! Thanks to all those who asked me about the Dr. this week, you are the reason I am writing on a Tuesday morning.

The doctor's appointment went well, Cody and I are healthy but we found out our regular doctor doesn't do sperm analysis... so we are headed to the urologist this next Friday.

We are hoping that we will get the test done this Friday so cross your fingers for us! :) I will post more soon! Hopefully this will tide you over! Thanks to those who have been following my story so far! You guys are making this so much easier than I expected! I'm so grateful for all of your support! See ya next time!

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Soon?

After that night in december I had received my answer I had a renewed excitement for trying to have kids. I really felt like anyday we would be pregnant so I didn't worry too much about ovulation test kits and things like that. I used the app I had on my phone to track my period but that was about it.

2012 flew by and there were lots of nights where I was upset but never devastated. I held out hope that soon I would have my little bundle of joy. When the end of 2012 came around we started looking for a house and in February 2013 we officially became homeowners. I was really excited. Everything was coming together! We had a house and I felt like the pieces were coming together and that God was just waiting for us to get this house. Surely we were ready and he would bless us with children any day now.

As the months went on I was getting more and more frustrated! We had started using ovulation test kits and "did it" when we got the positive until it was no longer positive but it wasn't working. I started seeing people around me get pregnant. People who had been married less time than me, people in less stable situations, and people who already had little blessings in their house. I started to doubt the answer I had received.  It was so long ago! Maybe I had just told myself what I wanted to hear because soon hadn't come!

As I struggled I found myself becoming upset with God. Why wouldn't he bless me with children? Hadn't I been good enough? Tried hard enough? I had always been a good person ya I made mistakes but I had always been faithful and tried to do what I was supposed to. Cody expressed to me that he was worried. That he didn't want to try for kids if I was going to turn away from God. He told me it had nothing to do with my worthiness and that maybe our kids weren't ready to come yet. Or maybe we needed better insurance or better jobs. I think when he told me he was worried about me I realized what I was doing and I tried to change my attitude. I worked on reading my scriptures every night, praying to my Father in Heaven, and remembering what I had to be grateful for. I was doing a little better but was itching for a change.

In September I interviewed for an Administrative Assistant position at a financial company and in October 2013 I started this new job!  There were so many good things about this job like the insurance, the pay, the professional environment, and the fact that it was a day job. I had been working nights for the past 1.5 years or so and finally I would get to sleep again! This job also meant that I could buy a basal thermometer and start taking my temps every morning so it was such a big blessing. The only bad thing about the job was that I had to put off children for a few months until I knew I would have fmla when I had a baby.

During this time my cousin got pregnant (sorry if you are reading this). It rocked me! I had always thought that I would have the first baby in our family since I was the oldest grandchild and I had been married first and I didn't know how to feel.  Of course I was happy for her because she had struggled for this baby, but at the same time I was so sad. for about a week I had a serious pity party. I pictured myself watching her belly grow and going to her baby shower and I felt such despair.

To be clear it wasn't because I wished she wasn't pregnant, and it wasn't that I was upset that she had gotten pregnant before me, it was that she had gotten there while I still had no idea why I hadn't.  I felt like everyone could fix their fertility problems except me. I had to wait until 2014 to even start investigating what could be wrong. We had an idea of what might be wrong but if that was the problem we probably wouldn't be able to fix it until mid 2014 and after that the problem might not be fixed for 6 months. I just felt so tired of waiting. Watching everyone else get their happy ending while I sat back wondering if I would ever get mine.

That brings up to today! We are trying again and my hope is again renewed. I feel ready to figure out what is wrong and I am hoping the answer will come quickly! I know it is kinda a rushed version of my story and if any of you out there have any questions or things you felt I skipped over and want to hear about let me know! I want to get information out there that will help others going through this feel not so alone. Maybe you want to know how Cody felt about all this? Let me know! Thanks for reading!

One last thing for those of you who want to follow our story. We are very excited to let you know that we have our first doctor's appointment on Thursday and I will be posting again Saturday to let you know if there is any new news. This doctor's appointment we will just be checking out Cody since the test for men is a little easier. Thanks again for reading and supporting me. After my first post I was so excited to see how many people had viewed my blog! Still it was pretty quiet let me know what you think please! :)

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In the beginning

It was about three years ago and I can still remember exactly how I felt. Cody had said yes! We were going to start trying to have a baby and I was beyond excited! I had dreamt of being a mom and now it was going to happen!  I was convinced it would be easy! It might take a few months but I was sure we would get pregnant soon and have our own little family in about a year.

Each month it was the same thing. Getting my hopes up just for them to get dashed again. We tried to make it fun and pressure free. Tried to go with the flow telling ourselves it was okay if it didn't happen yet because we had always planned on waiting three years to have kids anyway.  It worked for the most part but I still had that little piece of me that was sad and worried that it wouldn't happen.  I worried about there being something wrong with me. Never considering there could be something wrong with Cody. Part of me felt like a failure of a woman because it wasn't happening. My friends and family all told me not to worry, that it would happen when it was meant to happen, that stress was probably preventing it, and I just needed to relax. I knew they might be right but I felt forgotten.

 After eight months I was frustrated. I thought it would happen quick, but 8 months was a lot longer than I ever expected to have to wait for my baby bump. I was starting to think there could be something wrong. I hoped and prayed that there was no problem and that it was just not time yet. I tried not to worry until there was a reason to. I spent many many nights praying to my Father in Heaven asking for answers on when, if ever, I would become a mother and then one night in December 2011 I felt the peace I had been seeking. I had been pleading to my Heavenly Father again for an answer and the word "Soon," popped into my head.

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