Each month it was the same thing. Getting my hopes up just for them to get dashed again. We tried to make it fun and pressure free. Tried to go with the flow telling ourselves it was okay if it didn't happen yet because we had always planned on waiting three years to have kids anyway. It worked for the most part but I still had that little piece of me that was sad and worried that it wouldn't happen. I worried about there being something wrong with me. Never considering there could be something wrong with Cody. Part of me felt like a failure of a woman because it wasn't happening. My friends and family all told me not to worry, that it would happen when it was meant to happen, that stress was probably preventing it, and I just needed to relax. I knew they might be right but I felt forgotten.
After eight months I was frustrated. I thought it would happen quick, but 8 months was a lot longer than I ever expected to have to wait for my baby bump. I was starting to think there could be something wrong. I hoped and prayed that there was no problem and that it was just not time yet. I tried not to worry until there was a reason to. I spent many many nights praying to my Father in Heaven asking for answers on when, if ever, I would become a mother and then one night in December 2011 I felt the peace I had been seeking. I had been pleading to my Heavenly Father again for an answer and the word "Soon," popped into my head.
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