Symptoms

I have had quite a few people asking me if I am having any symptoms yet so I thought that I would write a short little blog post and give you the details!! So if you don't want to know stop reading now haha. :)

So far I have not had any "morning sickness" but I hear that starts around week 6 for most women so we will see if I start enjoying that perk! I have had a few brief moments where I have felt a little nauseous but so far it has only been when I am in the car, and I have experienced car sickness in the past.  I am really hoping I don't have to deal with being nauseous though because I ride the frontrunner every morning and throwing up on there would not be fun!! :(

Another symptom I have been having is fatigue! I am tired all the time and by about 2:00pm everyday I just want to take a nap! Cody has been amazing though and has been keeping the house clean so when I get home I just get to relax! I am seriously so lucky to have such a great husband who has been working so hard to make sure that I don't have to.

I have had a bit of cramping but no worries no bleeding! At first that made me a little nervous but I have had a few friends who have said they experienced it too so that has helped me relax.  I am not proud to say I also googled it! That made me feel a little better too because the general consensus online is that it's just stretching and as long as there is no bleeding I am okay! :)

The other day Cody woke up in the middle of the night to me snacking, but that has only happened once. I have definitely had an increase in appetite so I keep lots of snacks around! I try to keep it healthy but every once in a while go for something not as good for me! I have noticed I have an aversion to meat for the moment. Cody and I spent 5 minutes in the pasta isle the other day because I couldn't decide on a sauce and the one with meatballs sounded disgusting! I usually love meat so I am hoping that will go away quickly!

The last two symptoms are pretty normal! I have been running to the bathroom a lot more often and have been a little more emotional!! I have had a couple of anger outbursts (don't worry not at anyone really), and I had a weird emotional moment when I started crying at the Let It Go song being sung by this guy who can do a whole bunch of different Disney character voices. Don't ask me why... I'm pregnant! Haha

On a more serious note I never thought I would be able to say those words. I have been waiting for 3 years to be tired, throw up, and have emotional meltdowns! I am not saying that it is all fun, but this is what I have been dreaming of. I feel so blessed for the opportunity to be a mother, and feel so lucky that my Father in Heaven has given me this chance! If any of you have advice, questions, or whatever, please feel free to comment, message me whatever you feel comfortable with! I am open to it all! Thanks for taking this journey with Cody and I! I feel blessed to have so many people interested in our story! I will update again soon, and we have our first Dr. appointment on April 1st, so I will definitely let you all know how it goes! :)

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Surgery?

Happy Saturday!!

As most of you know I was supposed to go into surgery yesterday at 1:30. They called me Thursday afternoon and told me I actually didn't need to come in until 2:15 so I was pretty bummed! I was not excited to fast that long but I was still excited to just get it over with!! On Friday morning I was just being a little lazy and taking my time getting ready since I had all day, but then the surgery center called... They said that the surgeries were going really quick and that Dr. Meek was very ahead of schedule. Then they asked if I could come in asap I told them I would be there in about half an hour and ran to take a quick shower before we headed out!

Half an hour later we arrived at Davis Surgical Center and got all checked in! We didn't have to wait long before a cute M.A took us back! She took my BP and my weight, asked a few questions, and told us they were going to do another pregnancy test just to make sure I wasn't pregnant.

After I gave them a sample I went to change into my gown and hat and all of that and climbed onto the bed.  Cody and I were talking for a few minutes when Dr. Meek asked if he could come in! When he came in he asked how long it had been since I had my last period. I told him I was on day like 32 of my cycle and my period hadn't started. Dr. Meek gave us a smile and told us we were pregnant and that we wouldn't be getting surgery today.

I immediately started bawling! I couldn't believe it!!!! This is the day we had waited for! 2 1/2 years we had spent trying to make this dream come true and it was finally happening!! I was getting dressed when the M.A asked if I was decent! She came in and told me she had the two positive pregnancy test and would take a picture of us if we wanted her to, so we got a few pictures and left the surgical center on cloud nine!! :)

Today I am still just so happy! Every little symptom of pregnancy I have had has almost brought me to tears I can't believe that it is finally our turn to be parents!  I feel so incredibly blessed and have been thanking my father above constantly this past 24 hours! We aren't very far along, probably only about 4 weeks if we count from my last period so we are still cautiously optimistic, but very excited and thinking positive thoughts!!


We decided that since everyone knew that we were going in for surgery we would announce our good news pretty quick! We didn't want to lie, and since you have all been so supportive and amazing I wanted to share our story with you all! Thanks for reading this blog and I will be continuing my blog with pregnancy updates and all other things involving pregnancy!

To all you amazing women out there still fighting for motherhood I am praying for you! I hope you all know that your Heavenly Father loves you and is aware of your heartache. Turn to him and he will help lift you up! Even if motherhood is not your fight he is there for you! I know so many amazing women out there who are waiting for marriage, motherhood, friendship, and so many other things. Hold on!! Your time will come and if you stay close to the Lord he will guide you to your happiness. He will make you stronger, and he will carry you when you are too tired to walk! I have been there and know that he is the reason I am where I am today! I love you all!

Love,

Bree and baby!

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Short little update!

So just a little update on what's going on lately! I am going in for surgery Tomorrow, and Monday I had my pre-op appointment! It wasn't too exciting they just took my blood and I had to take a pregnancy test to make sure I wasn't pregnant. BIG SURPRISE... I'm not! Ha ha. So then they just went over what is going to happen!

The good news is that we should know what is going on right after my surgery! My doctor said that we would let Cody know what they found while I was in recovery so I am giving Cody my questions so I can hopefully do a blog post Saturday while I am lying around all day! I will be going in for surgery around 12:30pm which I was a little bummed to hear! I was hoping I would be able to get the surgery done in the morning but it's okay I will take whatever they can give me!

I asked my doctor on Monday how long he suggested we wait before we started trying again. The answer wasn't exactly what I expected but it's okay I guess! He wants me to wait one cycle before we start trying again. I am bummed because I was hoping that we might be able to get pregnant by mother's day and my chances would have been better if I didn't have to wait. I just keep reminding myself that he knows best and that I need to take care of myself, but it still bums me out! There is still a chance he will change his mind depending on what he finds tomorrow so hopefully I don't have to wait longer than a month to get back to trying!

Other than that we don't know much more! I never thought I would hope for endometriosis but I am! I just want to know that this is what it is, get it taken care of, and get pregnant! I am tired of wondering what is wrong with me! So as silly as it sounds I am hoping they find MILD endometriosis on Friday! I mean come on I am not crazy I am not wishing for a major hardship, but I would like an explanation! :) Thank you to all those amazing people out there who have been keeping us in your prayers! I even had a friend put me on the prayer roll in the Temple so thank you so much for that!! I am so grateful for all the support and I don't think I would be able to be this strong without it! Until next time!

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The Adventures of Breet!

I was just looking at my other blog that I haven't posted on forever! The adventures of Breet and noticed I had some stuff on there about our infertility journey! I just thought I would mention it on here just in case anyone was interested in popping over to that blog to read about how I was feeling in the moment! Here's the link http://breetslifestory.blogspot.com/.

I am thinking about trying to post a little more over there but use it for more day to day stuff that I think you guys might find interesting and then dedicate this blog to baby stuff! It would be great if you want to comment below and let me know what you think! :) Thanks for reading this short little blog post! :)

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Apologies and realizations

I wish I could say sorry to all those women out there who I wasn't ecstatic for when I found out they were pregnant! I think being happy for others when you aren't able to experience the same joy of getting that positive pregnancy test is one of the hardest things for women who struggle with infertility. I know it is for me. I have talked to quite a few women about it and most agree there is a certain sadness you get when you find out someone you are around often is pregnant.

Don't get me wrong it's not that I don't want to be happy for them, and eventually I am completely happy for them, but in the beginning it's hard for me to feel that happiness for them. When I would hear about a friend getting pregnant I used to cry and go through the same questions each time. Why not me? What am I doing wrong? Am I unworthy to be a mother? Is there something I need to do before God sees that I am ready? These questions would race through my brain and I wasn't always the kindest when answering them to myself!

I have always struggled with feeling like I am a good person. It's not that I do bad things, because I don't, but I just never saw myself as worthy or good. If I had to tell you why I felt that way I don't think I could. I have theories of course but I have never been able to settle on why I have felt this way. All I know is that I have always looked at others and thought they were prettier, more spiritual, more deserving, or just plain better than me. When we started trying to conceive and it wasn't happening it only made those feelings worse. I felt like less of a woman because I couldn't do this one thing that women were made to do!  Cody used to try to make me feel better by saying it could be him but I think deep down I knew it wasn't because of him.

I think I mentioned this before but I started kind of turning away from God. I didn't pray like I should have because I felt like I had tried that and answers didn't come. I still went to church but I wasn't happy with things and I felt like I had tried so long to be so good and it didn't matter I still wasn't worthy to be a mother. I was upset pretty much all the time and was very negative. It took Cody saying he was worried about me to kind of snap me out of it and realize that I was headed down a dark path!  I started praying again and reading my scriptures and just focusing on relying on the Lord. It's amazing the difference I felt almost immediately.  It is still so hard not knowing what is wrong with me and not knowing if it will be fixed, but it's not as hard. I still pray every night for answers that have yet to come, but I keep praying. It's amazing to me how much love, peace, and support I have felt from my Heavenly Father these past few months. I truly feel like he is aware of my and my struggles, and he is just waiting to bless us.  I just wish I had figured this out earlier!

I wish I had worked harder at relying on the Lord when I first started this journey. It could have saved me a lot of heartache. I feel like if I had made my focus my Heavenly Father from the beginning instead of getting my baby here a.s.a.p. I would have been able to enjoy and celebrate all those amazing women's pregnancies right from the get go. I just wish I could hug them all and tell them how sorry I am and how truly happy I am for them. So all you ladies out there I send the biggest hug to you! (Please wrap your arms around yourself and pretend it's me)!

It took me longer than it should have to learn all of this! I am so glad that I have finally learned that just because someone else gets pregnant it doesn't mean they took something from me. Their baby was never going to be my baby, it's not like they stole them from me. Just because they were pregnant didn't mean anyone would be less excited when I was pregnant. I still have to tell myself this every once in a while but not too often, ;) I remind myself everyday that it's okay if my baby doesn't come right when I want them to, having to wait for them will just make me love them even more when they finally come.

I just wanted to add one more thing and I hope this will comfort some of you out there who have lost babies, will never have babies, or haven't been blessed with them quite yet. You are a mother!  It doesn't matter if your babies are here on this earth or with their Heavenly Father, you are a mother. Even if you never give birth to children you can still be a mother! There are so many children out there looking for good mothers and good women out there to watch over them. I feel so strongly about this! Please remember, you are a mother!

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Random bits of randomness!

I am so sorry I haven't posted for a week or so! I have been racking my brain trying to decide what I wanted to blog about while I am waiting for my crazy week next week and I have been having a tough time! All I can think about is this Laparoscopy and I think it is causing a minor case of writer's block!

One thing I wanted to do was recommend some video blogs on youtube that you might want to check out! The first one is one I have been watching for a while, and has helped me a lot while going through this journey. The web address is http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYv8VkKxvmfYIRbowQALwCw, and it follows the story of Jared and Ellie! Ellie has P.C.O.S which I had never really heard of until I watched her youtube channel, but this vlog was the one that made me really want to go to my doctor! While watching these two I realized that my problem could be easily fixed if I just went to my doctor and that I wouldn't know unless I was brave enough to try! I don't think they know who I am but if you check them out please tell them I sent you! One thing I loved about watching these guys is that they are local!! They live in Provo and I believe Ellie is from the Roy area so it was fun to watch them knowing they were right in my backyard! :) They have a cute baby boy now which I also loved! They had a happy little ending and it helps me believe I will too!

The other video blog I want to recommend is by Cullen and Katie! The link is http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPYnVLuSSqX4KJ9vfup2FcQ. These guys are awesome and I love their accents! They are located in Alabama and have gone through 2 miscarriages! They are so sweet and positive and they have shown me that there are some amazingly strong resilient people out there! They are also pretty funny! They do daily vlogs and I have loved that they are real! They vlog on good days and bad no matter what, and I have loved that about them! They make you feel like they are your friends which is crazy that you can feel that way about strangers but it's also pretty cool!

These guys have kind of become my role models! I know they have touched thousands of lives and I am hoping in my journey I will be able to do that too! I don't claim to be an amazing writer, in fact I know I am definitely not an amazing writer, but I hope that I can touch other people's lives.

I never thought that I would struggle to get pregnant, I never worried about IF I would be a mom I always thought it would happen easily, but I am grateful for this trial.  I have truly become a stronger person through this experience and while there are still days I just want to stay in bed and cry, I know that I am still becoming stronger everyday.  I am so glad that I can share my story. I thought I was an open book before but I am finding now that I wasn't ha ha. Now I truly am an open book and while it is a little scary sharing such personal things with the world, I am so grateful for the experience. I have had so much support from you all and have been blown away with how safe and loved you all have made me feel.

Now comes to my plea! If you have anything you would like me to write about let me know! A lot of this past week has been me trying to guess what you all might want to hear and I don't want you to get bored with me so if you have a burning question just ask it! You can even do it anonymously through a blog comment on here so no one has to know it was you! :) I will be watching for questions!! Seriously..... just ask, just comment! :) If you check out those blogs let me know what you think and if you subscribe to them let them know I sent you! I will try to get another blog post in this weekend or next week before the laparoscopy! TTFN ~ Ta Ta For Now

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